Sick Of Struggling With Food, Weight & Hating Your Body?

After a 40 year struggle with food, weighing over 300lbs & hating my body….I discovered the root cause of my food addiction & weight struggles & finally found a permanent solution!

My story

 

I had a rough start…..

 

My Mom was very loving, but was also chronically anxious, depressed and angry.

Mom and me at 6 months old

My Dad was a great provider, and took our family on fun vacations and adventures, but was emotionally shut down and unable to meet my Mom’s emotional needs.

From the time I was about three years old I remember the same conflict playing out over and over again between my parents that would last throughout my entire childhood:

-Mom would become angry & resentful at my Dad for his inability to attune to her emotional needs when she was upset.

 

3 years old

 

 

-Dad coped with her anger by eating, shutting down, giving her the silent treatment, or leaving.  Sometimes he would leave for the night & sometimes for much longer periods of time.

 

 

 

 

4 year old kindergarten picture. During this time I remember noticing a growing tension between my parents. I felt really sad that my family wasn’t happy. I just wanted us to be happy. However, it rarely, if ever seemed to happen.

 

-None of their issues ever got resolved, therefore the tension between them just kept building up and Mom’s rage just kept increasing.

-At four years old I took my Dad’s lead and began using food to cope with the chronic tension between my parents.

 

 

 

 

7 years  old.  Yay, I got my Schwinn bike with a banana seat for Christmas! However, all was not well at home. I had taken my Dad’s lead and began using food to cope with my crazy family when I was 5 years old and it is now showing up on my body.

 

 

-At six years old, in second grade I started getting bullied for being overweight. It was so horribly painful that I would eat to soothe the pain & shame of being a fat kid which of course made me gain more weight.

 

 

-My mother tried to be supportive of my struggles with food, weight and getting bullied, but she had no clue that the root cause of my needing to soothe myself with food was due to the toxic stress that her and my Dad were subjecting me to in our home due to their inability to resolve conflict with themselves or each other.

 

My 8th birthday party in an uncomfortably tight dress. This is a painful example of how quickly I would grow out my clothes due to my body gaining weight so rapidly.  I must say thought that I loved my pirate cake & was ready to play ping pong after cake.

 

-At eight years old, in fourth grade my Mom’s rage toward my Dad, along with her depression and anxiety got to the point where she began to cope by drinking alcohol.

 

 

 

This is when our house turned from garden variety dysfunctional, to bat shit crazy!

 

Bad hair school photo!  9 years old. My mother was so sick with her alcoholism during this time that she clearly could not get it together enough to take care of my hair on school picture day. Ugh!

It was then that Mom would drink alone on a daily basis, and then rage at my Dad until the wee hours of the morning several times a week for over ten years.

I never knew if I was going to be able to sleep through the night, when Mom would be drunk or when my Dad was going to leave.

 

 I remember feeling like I was trapped in the family from hell… 

 

 

 

 

 

It felt so unfair to be subjected to this level of hell on a regular basis. At least my Dad could escape my Mothers wrath by leaving.

As a young little girl, I didn’t have the option to escape the insanity of the emotional violence and ongoing dysfunction that was going on in our home

 

So I ate

11 Years old camping trip on my Honda 70

14 years old, 8th grade graduation.

 

 

 

I just kept on eating, and eating and eating and gaining more and more weight. 

 

 

27 years old with mom. Here I am at 310lbs, smoking a cigarette while seeing my mother off at the LAX airport. This is what undiagnosed, untreated childhood PTSD looks like.

 

I never realized my food addiction and my struggles with weight were a way to cope with the brain, body and mind fallout of childhood trauma

 

 

For one, I never realized I had a childhood trauma

 

After all, I was never sexually or physically abused 

 

I thought that you had to have physical levels of trauma like

 

sexual or physical abuse to be diagnosed with “trauma” 

 

Although in the short term, using food saved my sanity by soothing the horrible pain I was forced to live in, however in the long term it almost killed me.

But once I understood what childhood PTSD was…AND that I definitely had it, and had been struggling with it my whole life, all the veils began lifting.  

I was able to see with new ‘trauma informed” eyes how this trauma showed up in my life.  It was disguised as: chronic anxiety, depression, low self esteem, emotionally shutting down, shame, food addiction (and other addictions & relationship struggles as I got older) and the resulting obesity I struggled with for over 40 years.

Now that I understood the devastation that childhood PTSD can cause to a young child’s brain, body and mind (resulting for many with life threatening addictions to food, alcohol, drugs,relationship struggles, adult illnesses, including auto immune  and stress related illnesses), I have made it my mission to let the world know that this type of childhood PTSD exists, and that there are evidence based solutions to heal and resolve it on a brain, mind, body and on a relationship level.

I have personally experienced proven, trauma based, body/mind therapies that can make a profound difference in your healing.  What I know for sure is that with the right consistent support and trauma based and trauma informed therapies, you can truly recover from childhood PTSD, end your addiction to food, lose your excess weight and maintain it permanently.

The beauty of healing your struggles with food and weight is that once handled you can finally get on with creating a life you love vs. being constantly high jacked by the pain & drama that addiction, obesity  and unhealed childhood loss and trauma creates.

 

Me in 2016. This is what healing childhood PTSD looks like.

Looking for support in releasing your excess weight
permanently by resolving your childhood PTSD?

 

Want To Know How I Have Been Able To…

 

1. Heal my brain, nervous system & body from childhood PTSD


2. Lose and maintain a 160lb weight loss for the past 15 years


3. Heal my attachment issues in relationships to be able to be a securely attached friend and partner, hence experiencing feeling the connection and fulfillment of close relationships.

 

4. Titrate off of two antidepressants that I had been on for over 20 years with little to no side effects


5. How I have identified and am living my soul’s calling

 

For The Tried & True Resources That Have Helped Me
Be Sure To Visit:

 

  My Weight Loss & Healing Childhood PTSD Resource Page  


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