What Are You Settling For?

If you get what you settle for… It naturally begs the question… What are you settling for?

I know this can be a very uncomfortable and confronting question to ask yourself. Yet unless we own what we’re settling for, nothing can ever change.   Owning that our life is not working may bring up a lot of painful feelings of inadequacy, anger, sadness, guilt and shame.  Actually it is quite normal to feel bad when you are not living the life you want to live.  Our feelings are like our internal GPS system.  When we feel bad about our life our internal GPS system is trying to help by telling us we need to honor ourselves by making some changes in our life.

However, unless we are willing to fully feel this pain, and then take corrective action, we can never give up the suffering.  

When we try to convince ourselves that whatever we are not happy with is not our fault or there is nothing we can do about it, we have placed the power to change it outside of ourselves  This keeps us in a victim role where we will continue to stay unless we wake up and take back ownership of creating a life that we truly love.

I do realize that many of us, through no fault of our own, were abused or traumatized as children and are still struggling  to heal these deep, painful wounds.  Believe me I know, I have been there.  But even those of us who have endured significant emotional neglect or abuse, or physical or sexual abuse can recover and go on to create truly fulfilling lives.  I am living proof this is possible.

What I have found helpful to acknowledge is that although the cause of my suffering may have not been my fault, I must own that my recovery is.

Unfortunately, many of us stay stuck in blaming external circumstances  (genetics, your spouse,  your kids, your mother, your father,  the boss, or the guy that bugs you at work) for our lot in life.  But if you are really interested in creating a life you love, you’ve got to own that you and only you are agreeing to staying stuck and therefore settling for a life that you are not happy with.

There are many people who are willing to own that they are responsible for the areas of their life that they aren’t happy with, but still feel stuck since they either don’t know how to change their circumstances, or may feel trapped by their situation.  If you are one of these people, just know that not knowing how or what to do to make your life work is the most common reason people feel stuck in digging themselves out of an unfulfilling life.

The good news is with the right. consistent support you can access solutions and support from others that have been where you are and have made the transition into an amazing life.  I can attest that I am certainly one of them!

When I began to take ownership for the good the bad and the ugly in my life,  I was then finally willing to get the support I needed, and it was then that  my life began to transform.  It wasn’t quick or easy, but it was so worth it!

I recently came across a book  written by a palliative nurse who recorded the most common regrets of the dying. She put her findings into a book called “The Top Five Regrets of The Dying.”

Below are the top 5 regrets of the dying:

  1. I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.
  2. I wish I hadn’t worked so hard.
  3. I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings.
  4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.
  5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.

After reading this book I really got how important it is to own our lives.

Our time is limited.  Don’t waste it by staying stuck by not owning your life or by not knowing “how”, when you can get help to get unstuck.   Don’t give up if one path doesn’t work.  Keep trying new solutions.  Eventually something will stick and you can then ride that wave to a life you love!

The key is to start creating a great life NOW, by just taking one small step toward getting the support you need.  It’s the only way to make sure you don’t find yourself  on your death bed being one of these dying people with these truly sad regrets.

This is your life. Own it. You have something amazing to share with the world. 

If you don’t know what it is, make knowing what it is your purpose!

All the support you need is available.  However, you have to meet the universe half way by reaching out for help.

If not now, when?

Here’s to creating an amazing, fulfilling life!


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About the author

Mary Giuliani has a 25-year background as a Master Certified Coach, and is a keynote speaker, author, and seminar leader specializing in supporting survivors in healing from complex trauma and achieving long-term recovery with food, weight, and substances. She has a passion for supporting survivors in learning how to connect with themselves and others in healthy, fulfilling relationships and how to turn their pain into power and purpose.

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Mary Giuliani
Complex Trauma & Resilience Coach

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